My sexual history, briefly, for future reference

I’m young. Like, really young. You know how when you’re fourteen and fall in love for the first time and you are so totally sure that no one else has ever felt this way before? And then you grow up a few years and look back at yourself and laugh at how utterly naive you were? (If you are reading this at the age of fourteen, than I apologise. I’m fairly certain you will see where I’m coming from in a few years, but if not, then good on you, you got it right first time.) Anyway, the point is, I am in my early twenties. I have been doing this whole sex-relationships thing for all of six years. That really isn’t that long at all. I have learnt a hell of a lot, but the most important thing I have learnt is that I am going to keep learning for quite some time. And that is awesome too.

That said, I have definitely learnt one of two things, and those things are obviously going to influence how I write. So before I get into talking about bisexuality and kink and threesomes, and how I feel about all of the above, it makes sense to have a bit of an overview, and there are a couple of characters who are probably going to crop up as examples once or twice.  These are people who have all been hugely important in my life, and have really shaped the way that I feel about sex and sexuality. And because I am a Classicist, they are all going to get awesome Classical pseudonyms, that I feel best describe them.

Electra Electra was my first girlfriend, my first everything in fact. She gets this name not because of any similarities to the actual Electra (a controversial character in various Greek tragedies), but because she is also a Classicist, and I vividly remember her  telling me the story of Orestes and Electra when we were at school. Yes, we were at school together. She was two years above me, shy, geeky, obsessed with fantasy novels, and utterly awesome. We briefly went out just before I turned fifteen, but broke up very quickly, mainly because neither of us were brave enough to be out, and we were both incredibly insecure. Then I turned fifteen and we drank too much and somehow we ended up in a sort of threesome with another girl. There was lots of drama. This was the first time I realised that sex and relationships didn’t always follow the standard format that I’d seen played out in rom coms all my life.

Salmacis This is the girl I started seeing while I was getting over the drama with Electra. She was four years older than me, gorgeous, glamourous, and completely mad. We met over the internet, which was probably the most ‘normal’ aspect of the relationship. Being around Salmacis was the most intense experience I have ever had. She lacked even the semblance of empathy, and the only real difference between her and Shane from the L Word is that she was British (and also not fictional). For the two and a half years that I was on-and-off with Salmacis, I learnt more about sexuality and LGBT+ activism than I even imagined existed. It was because of her that I went on my first Pride march, and to my first gay bar, and first started reading LGBT+ blogs. It was a messy and drama-heavy time for everyone involved, but looking back, the whole thing was also kinda awesome. (Salmacis, by the way, is the name of the nymph who falls in love with Hermaphroditus and tries to rape him, resulting in their bodies becoming joined for life. The header image on this blog is of Salmacis and Hermaphroditus.)

Tereus (Trigger warnings for sexual assault and rape.) In my first post, I talked about the story of Procne, who took revenge on her absolutely despicable husband in a rather dramatic way. His name was Tereus. My Tereus doesn’t fit the story entirely, but it comes pretty close. I spent a rather dark year of my life in an abusive relationship with this guy, and it’s thanks to him and his treatment of me that I discovered feminism. He verbally and emotionally abused me. He refused to wear condoms and put me at risk for a number of STIs while he continued to sleep with other people. He separated me from my friends. He took financial advantage of me. And on one memorable occasion, he raped me, and laughed about it afterwards. Not long after, when we argued (about said rape), he twisted my arm backwards until I felt something snap in my wrist. He is one of three men who sexually assaulted me within the space of a year, and the worst thing is he doesn’t even think he did anything wrong. He is the reason I began to learn about rape culture, about victim blaming, about apologists and slut shaming. He will probably be mentioned often on this blog, as an example of what not to be. (The other two men, who I will refer to as Domitian and Tarquin, will also probably feature in this way.)

Alexander The guy who quite literally rescued me from Tereus, and to whom I owe a huge amount. He has asked not to mentioned too much on this blog, so I will keep it brief. Alexander is an absolute amazing man who I dated for two years, and who helped me discover a hell of a lot about my sexuality. It is down to him that I even know what sex positivity is, let alone how to practice it.

Others that may be added at some point when I know what to write about them, in no particular order: Leander, Atalanta, Iphis, Ariadne and Phaedra.


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